So, here is the deal...this post may stir up some sh*t, but I try to be as real as I can and the subject I am about to present to you is something that has been weighing heavily on my heart. See, I was born and raised Catholic. It was strict, but it's my roots and to this day I still believe in praying to Saints, lighting candles, burning incense to name a few. Now, let's be clear, very clear, I believe in God. I believe Jesus died for our sins, I believe we all have a guardian angel and I also believe there are many angels around us and Archangels who go to battle for us. I believe the good, the bad and ugly. I believe God gave us tools here on earth to use at our will to enrich our lives, to promote both healing and peace. I believe in crystals and they are even mentioned in the Bible. I believe in holistic remedies like herbs and alternative therapies like meditation. I believe in smudging the sh*t out of myself, you and/or my space when it's needed and warranted and I believe the Universe is full of the same energy we have available to us.
Now, with that being said here is what I don't believe in. I don't believe in kicking people while they are down. I don't believe in judging someone because you attend Church anytime the doors are open and someone else does not. I don't believe in better or holier than thou attitudes and I don't believe in judging others based on appearance, preferences, houses big or small, cars or luxury BS. I do not believe in shunning and I do not believe in treating your parents like pieces of garbage because you don't agree with their lifestyle or choices. I don't believe in enabling toxic behavior and I don't believe anyone should hide behind religion, a bible or a pulpit or their " love and light " all the while they are drunks or some judgmental, condescending know it all who doesn't value the opinions or feelings of others. You know, those who basically show no empathy for other fellow human beings or randomly chooses sides without knowing all of the facts.
So, why exactly does it appear that the Church, or some, are teaching some people to be a narcissist or at the very least an asshole? Yeah, I said it. Someone explain to me how you can get up there and preach or run a woman's group or be an elder of a church when your own house or life is upside down? Tell me how some of you judgmental church goers can go out into the world creating a bunch of nonsense then walk into church on Sunday smiling and acting like " All is well with your soul " when all week long, over coffee, behind your closed doors you've been negative, hateful, spiteful, vindictive and 100% hypocritical. Y'all, wonder why so many people don't want to go to church. Dang!
Some of you may be sitting here thinking well aren't I judging others by writing this article? No, I am not. I am simply stating my observations. It does not mean that I hate any of the people who do this. I do not hate them, I feel sorry for them. I feel sorry for the fact that they are potentially missing out on beautiful life experiences because of their closed mindedness. I feel sorry for them in the fact that they are probably missing out on wonderful people who could teach them something and enrich their lives because rather than explore another side of a lifestyle or belief system they choose to shun or judge. There have been some I have called friends and others that I have looked up to through the years that I have watched self-destruct in ways that I wonder if they can ever come back from it. But, I have sat and listened or I have read their Facebook post's with an open mind and heart trying to see the other side. In some things I can agree with them in others I cannot. But, the lovely thing is that I can keep scrolling when I don't agree or I can nod politely and even sometimes share my beliefs. I can do this in such a way that my intentions are never to offend someone or discrediting their belief system. Not all people do this. For many it's a one way or the highway sort of thing. It becomes a I, I, I, I, I all about Me, Me, Me conversation.
What is a narcissist you ask? Let me clue you in. A narcissist is the person who never wants to take responsibility for their own crap. They rewrite history in such a way that it leaves you scratching your head. They are full of judgement, say things that you know they said, in a belittling and degrading way, but will deny ever doing it. They have an inflated sense of self, think they are king and queen and everyone else is simply suppose to bow down to them. They can look and appear innocent, quiet and reserved or they greet you with an ego bigger than their brain. There is no one size fits all here. A narcissist thinks the world revolves around them and you have to fit inside of their box and when you don't they will discard you like yesterdays garbage. A Narc will see no other side but their own and show little to no empathy for what you are feeling. They understand only ONE view and that is their own. They cling to material things and their self worth is almost always grounded in " What they have " vs " What they do ". They will lie about everything both big and small and try to convince you that you are the toxic and crazy one. On the other side of this is the person who desperately tries to plead their case, does more explaining than they even know how to do, spends countless hours trying to get the other person to see their point of view and often you are left feeling defeated and deflated. A lot of times you end up walking away from the narc simply to save your own sanity. It often times hurts like hell because you love or admire the person. You long for them to love you the same way you love them with no strings attached. You are willing to agree to disagree but the other party isn't. You don't walk away because you hate, you walk away because you want to keep your dignity in tact. You walk away because you are tired of being blamed for everything and that blame can even extend to things that you have no control over or responsibility for. You don't walk away because you're "judgy", you walk away to create enough space between you that you can both be healthy until hopefully one day you can meet each other half way. That is LOVE. And, there is a huge difference in walking away for the sake of your own self love and worth and the love you feel for another human being vs walking away because you want to be right, and the other person should have no feelings or beliefs other than yours.
I've been to many churches. From Baptist to Methodist to Catholic and Christian. Where I see the most narc behavior is coming from the Christians and the Christian churches. Now, I am not saying all Christians are like this or that all Christian churches and Pastors teach such a thing, but what I am saying is that more times than not, more times than I can count, is a Christian at the center of some sort of BS and they claim it's their views, it's in the Bible or this is what they have been taught. Actually, this is what they have interpreted because the God I was raised to know is a loving God. The Jesus I was raised to love and believe in didn't give a rat's behind if he was eating dinner with a drunk or a prostitute. While he did not condone those behaviors he didn't walk away from them with a judgmental eye nor did He call everyone around him to a corner and turn those people against the other person. He was full of love, compassion and tolerance. Jesus never talked about you behind your back and made you feel less of a person. He never looked you up and down taking inventory of what you ate or wore. He was a come as you are. Mistakes, sins, impurities and all. He didn't walk around thinking as the son of God that he was better than anyone else, the world revolved around him and didn't feel entitled to anything. He loved. He sacrificed. Period.
I am not saying that you have to tolerate bad behavior or toxic in your life. And, I even agree that sometimes you have to love from afar for your own sanity. That doesn't mean you hate. And, it shouldn't mean that you make everyone else hate too just because you do. But, where is the grace anymore? Where is the forgiveness? Everyone is in such a tug of war of wanting to be right that they forget some things are done for the good and sake of all. Some things are done for you and not to you. Some things are to protect and nurture. Some things can not be explained and that is okay, too.
As for me I am tired of people hiding behind their bible when it suits them even though they are walking around acting like an egotistical maniac. I am tired of the spiritual beings walking around claiming to exude love, light and healing all the while they are condemning the ones who need the love, light and healing the most. I am sick and tired of watching good people hurt over and over again in the name of the Lord or in the ideal that " I " am the only one who knows best and if you don't agree then you are nothing and no one.
Whatever happened to just loving someone for who they are, faults included? What happened to " Judge me when you are perfect " because I have yet to meet a perfect person. What happened to families sticking together no matter what because that is what you should do? What happened to second chances and a handshake being someones word? What happened to simply loving someone because on some length you have the empathy and compassion for what they are going through and are able to see both sides of things rather than just your own? Have we, have we collectively gone mad to think that there is only one side to a story or one version of truth? Have we collectively became so ego driven that we can no longer feel the pain of another person or celebrate the triumphs of another when they aren't our own? What the hell ever happened to " When you succeed, I succeed so I am going to help you get there ?" When the hell did everyone stop caring about their neighbor, their brother, sister, father, mother, and friend? Sadly, I have met so many Christian men and women who are just like this. Yet, I know many who are so far from this that these behaviors make them sick to their stomach. It's sad that the ones who are like this ruin it for the rest. But, I then have to ask myself is this religion or a cult? Because I simply don't get it. I probably never will. But, the one thing I know for sure is that I will never change who I am because of the actions of others.
As for me, well, I am going to continue to love people and help people. If you don't agree with me and walk away from me than that becomes your loss and your mistake. I have no control over that. My intentions are always rooted in good no matter how much I may screw something up. While in some ways my heart may be hardened (Who's isn't really) because of traumas I have gone through, the one thing I know for certain, is that NO ONE else is responsible for MY healing. I am responsible for that. So, I have NO right to take it out on anyone else or create some fictitious lifestyle and force anyone else into it. I have my beliefs as do you and that my friends is what makes us such unique and amazing individuals. If anyone tries to dim that light in you, you love them, but remember that their darkness does not have to live inside of you. Period.
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